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‘My parents got upset when I refused to share my salary’: 28-year-old sets boundary and seeks advice online
SINGAPORE: Questions over whether children owe their parents financial transparency have resurfaced after a 28-year-old woman said her decision to withhold her salary left her parents “upset.”
Writing on the r/asksg forum, she shared that her parents had long made a habit of asking about her pay whenever she started a new job. Wanting to be a respectful daughter, she would typically comply without much hesitation.
Over time, however, she began to feel that this openness was working against her.
Once her salary was disclosed, it quickly became a reference point for expectations, from how much she should be contributing at home to what expenses she ought to take on.
She said she was initially willing to go along with this arrangement, but things became uncomfortable when comparisons entered the picture. According to her, her parents began measuring her against others and making remarks about how she chose to spend her money.
That, she said, was when she decided to draw a boundary.
“It’s not that I want to be disrespectful, but this time I chose not to disclose my salary, and they seemed quite upset about it, which has been bothering me,” she said.
“They often say things like, ‘Why can’t we know? We’re your parents,’ or ‘What is there to hide?…which makes me feel quite pressured.”
Although she admitted to feeling “guilty” for withholding the information, she also said she does not regret it. “I want to manage expectations and avoid constant comparisons with my siblings or relatives. Am I doing the right thing ..?”
“I would say it’s up to you and it’s ok not to.”
In the comments, several Singaporean Redditors reassured the woman that she had made the right decision and that she should not feel guilty for choosing not to disclose her salary.
“You’re an adult now, so you should not feel guilty for keeping your salary to yourself. They will and should understand over time,” one user said.
“Au contraire, they are the ones being disrespectful. You are not a child. Your self-worth and respect should not be calculated based on your salary. Your salary is not for them to brag and compare against their other friends’ children,” another shared.
“Based on your description, I would say it’s up to you, and it’s ok not to, because they seem to be playing the awful comparison game and making you feel bad. But if they ask out of genuine concern and goodwill, then it’s ok,” a third added.
Others, however, suggested she could simply give a lower figure instead of refusing outright.
“Just under declare; it saves you the trouble,” one wrote.
“Even if you disclose, you do not need to give the actual number,” another commented.
In other news, a man is questioning his girlfriend’s true intentions after discovering that she expects him to pay for their future home and fully support their lifestyle while keeping her own salary.
The 30-year-old sought advice on the r/asksg forum on Saturday (April 18). In his post, he shared that he has been dating his 26-year-old girlfriend from Malaysia for about a year. He described her as attractive by both “Singaporean and Malaysian standards,” and said that at the start of the relationship, she came across as “thoughtful and sweet.”
Read more: ‘She wants me to pay for the whole house and lifestyle’: Man questions girlfriend’s intentions
This article (‘My parents got upset when I refused to share my salary’: 28-year-old sets boundary and seeks advice online) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.
