SINGAPORE: Desperate to break free from his controlling mother’s grip, a university student in Singapore turned to netizens online for advice, asking: “How do I stop living life based on what my mother wants for me?”

In a post shared on the Reddit forum “r/asksg” on Sunday (Jun 7), the student said he feels as though he has never truly decided for himself. According to him, his mother has allegedly dictated almost every aspect of his life, from the school he attended and the bag he carried to class to the meals he ate and even the university course he is currently pursuing.

She also reportedly stopped him from joining school activities and spending time with friends, insisting that such things could wait until he started working full-time.

“I never got to make a single decision in my life,” he wrote. “I am living my life based on how my mum wants me to.”

The student added that he believes his mother is trying to live the life she never had through him.

“My mother never got to live her own life, so now she’s making me live life based on how she wants me to so that she can get a life,” he wrote.

He went on to describe her as “a wounded woman,” recalling how devastated she was during his grandmother’s funeral.

“I remember her crying very badly during my grandmother’s funeral, and she was sharing about how she was being treated unfairly compared to her older brother. How she never got to go to school, how her mother thought that she did something wrong, but it was her brother that did it, etc. She never got to do the things that she wanted to do in life.”

Yet despite understanding the hardships his mother endured, he admitted it has done little to ease his frustration.

“How do I start living my own life and stop living my life for my mother?” he asked. “I went for counselling, and I noticed that I am always deeply frustrated with my life because I never got to choose a single thing. But counselling doesn’t really help much either. Please don’t suggest to me that I move out because I can’t due to my own personal reasons. I don’t want to grow up to be as wounded and salty as her.”

“Start with the small things that you do have control of right now.”

Concerned by his situation, many netizens stepped in with words of encouragement and practical advice.

One suggested that he simply start ignoring his mother’s attempts to control him and begin making his own choices.

“Sometimes you just have to disobey for your own happiness. I’m not saying to disrespect her, though. Just ignore whenever she tries to control you and do your own thing,” the commenter wrote.

Another recommended starting small and taking control of the things he can already decide for himself.

“Sorry to hear this. Start with the small things that you do have control of right now. For example, deciding what you want to eat for lunch when you are in uni. She’s not there to control that. You can pick something that she would disapprove of and enjoy the small freedom of that decision,” they wrote.

The commenter also suggested that he stop feeling obliged to share every detail of his university schedule.

“If you want to hang out with friends after lessons, just tell her you have an important project discussion or you need to consult your lecturer.”

A third commenter, who said they had experienced something similar, sympathised with the student’s struggles.

“You know, sometimes I really wonder why some people have kids. My mum is like your mum. Sometimes I thought my mum shouldn’t have had kids,” they wrote.

“Anyways… You must be rich. Or at least have some comfortable savings. I know you said not to move out, but for me, my life really improved when I moved out. My childhood was already painful. I don’t want my adulthood to also be painful.”

In other news, a 28-year-old software engineer whose salary has remained at S$3,500 a month says he feels “demoralised” after being tasked with training newly hired fresh graduates who are reportedly earning around S$5,500 a month.

In a post shared on Reddit on Tuesday (Jun 2), the engineer said he has been with his company for four years and currently handles a wide range of responsibilities, including maintaining production servers, developing new applications and features, automation work, and both frontend and backend development. His work primarily involves Python, Java, and frontend technologies.

Read more: Software engineer feels undervalued after being tasked with training higher-paid fresh graduates

This article (‘I don’t want to grow up as wounded and salty as her’: Student opens up about controlling mum) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.

SINGAPORE: After watching his parents work hard for decades on modest incomes, a 25-year-old Singaporean is now searching for ways to help them enjoy a more secure retirement without jeopardising his own financial future.

Posting on Reddit’s r/singaporefi forum, the young man revealed that his parents, both in their 60s, are still working despite having limited retirement savings. He shared that his mother has accumulated very little CPF, while his father has yet to reach the Full Retirement Sum.

According to him, his father spent most of his working life as a driver and rarely earned more than a modest salary.

“The most I heard he earned was S$2,500, which is right now. From the moment I was born until I was 16, he was only earning S$800 to S$1,500,” he said.

On the other hand, his mother mostly stayed at home to care for the family and only took on occasional odd jobs when needed, such as working in coffee shops or helping out in small retail stores.

Growing up, he said money was always tight and the family often lived from one paycheck to the next.

Despite that, his parents still managed to support him all the way through his polytechnic years.

After graduating, he took over paying his own expenses and university fees and eventually established a career in the corporate tech industry.

Now that he has started building his own financial future, he finds himself facing a difficult question: what can he realistically do to help his parents without compromising his own goals?

“They are still working; sadly and honestly, I feel very bad about it. I can’t help much, as I need to care about my future too, so I can’t give the majority of my earnings,” he wrote.

“I invest S$2-3k a month into ETFs (and sometimes random big 7 stocks). So the amount I have left after that and saving is not significant. I’m also saving up for a house with my partner, so I can’t single-handedly do everything as a retirement plan.”

Wanting to make informed decisions rather than simply handing over money, he asked fellow Redditors whether investing on his parents’ behalf could help improve their retirement prospects. Specifically, he wondered if he should work with a financial adviser or build a dedicated ETF portfolio for them himself.

“I hope to get some opinions here!” he added.

“Work on yourself and earn more.”

The post quickly drew numerous responses from Singaporean Redditors.

One commenter pointed out that, unfortunately, in situations like these, the child often becomes “the retirement plan.”

“You are their retirement plan. Instead of asking them to invest, invest in yourself and give them a monthly allowance,” they wrote.

“You need to make sure you are able to fund their retirement expenses once they stop working. Looking on the bright side, they are probably content with a very basic retirement life and won’t need a lot from you.”

Another agreed with this view, saying, “Work on yourself and earn more. Put aside some money for their older age, like for medical expenses, or bring them for meals or short trips or whatever they like.”

A third user, meanwhile, suggested a practical alternative that would not require the son to shoulder the full burden of saving for his parents.

They explained, “If they have a house, they can downgrade to perhaps a 2-room flexi with a short lease and top up CPF life. I would say the monthly payment from CPF life will be enough to get by if they continue living simply.” 

“You can contribute cash monthly to them to ease their burdens or build up an emergency fund for them that is under your control. Since they do not have much savings, most of their assets are locked in the house. Unlock that.”

A fourth echoed this suggestion, writing,  “Since your parents are in their 60s, do consider maximising` CPF life to ensure your parents have a steady monthly stream of income.”

In other news, a domestic helper has claimed online that her new employer expects her to pay for all her own daily essentials, including meals and toiletries, out of her salary.

In an anonymous post shared on Tuesday (May 12) in the Facebook group “SINGAPORE TRANSFER (No Fees/SD), DIRECT HIRE & NEW HELPER,” the helper said she has been working in Singapore for three years and was recently transferred to a new employer after the elderly grandmother she cared for passed away.

Read more: ‘I buy my own food and toiletries’: Maid says employer refuses to provide basic necessities

This article (‘They are still working in their 60s’: Singaporean seeks retirement advice for parents) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.

SINGAPORE: For many people, paying off a home in full would be a moment worth celebrating. For one Singaporean, however, it ended with a telling-off from his parents.

In an anonymous post on the SGWhispers Facebook group, the man shared that he had recently bought an apartment overseas after relocating there for work. Better yet, he paid for the property entirely in cash, without taking on a mortgage or any long-term debt.

To him, it was a milestone nearly 10 years in the making.

The man said he spent close to a decade saving relentlessly, putting aside every dollar he could and skipping holidays along the way. While friends were travelling and enjoying the occasional splurge, he focused on building enough savings to eventually own a place of his own.

Naturally, he expected his parents to be pleased when he finally shared the news.

“It’s a huge achievement for me, I worked for maybe almost 10 years at this point to get here, [but] parents called me stupid, why can’t I just come back and buy resale, why didn’t I take a loan, why didn’t I just invest, etc.. It’s a humble place under 200,000 SGD. I can’t buy anything with 200,000 in Singapore, and I don’t want to loan because I don’t want the stress of financing something long-term.”

For him, the decision was never about buying a flashy property or chasing investment returns. It was about securing a roof over his head and creating a stable foundation without the burden of debt hanging over him for years.

While he acknowledged that S$200,000 is still a significant amount of money, he felt it was a reasonable price to pay for peace of mind.

However, when he informed his parents about this, they reprimanded him, called him “stupid,” and asked, “why he couldn’t just come back, buy a resale flat, why he didn’t opt to take a loan, or why he didn’t just invest the money elsewhere.”

“Apparently, wanting a stress-free life is childish to them. S$200,000 is not a small sum, yes, but it’s not a lot either. As job stability is not quite there from the start, I find it more pressing to settle down ASAP and work to build stability for myself without strings.”

His cautious outlook, he added, was shaped in part by stories from the 2008 financial crisis and the financial struggles some families faced when circumstances changed unexpectedly.

“I have friends whose parents had the exact same thing happen to them during 2008. I don’t want to lose everything overnight,” he wrote. “I keep this to myself as my Singaporean community is naysayers and I don’t really have anyone to share with.”

“Everyone lives their lives differently.”

In the comments section, one netizen encouraged him not to dwell too much on his parents’ remarks. 

“Your money, you decide. If they want to kpkb and make decisions for you, then they better put up the cash,” they wrote.

Another commenter felt it might just be a classic case of generational differences between older and younger Singaporeans.

They added that if they were in the author’s shoes, they would probably also take the chance to move overseas.

“Personally, I’d also want to move overseas if I could land a job overseas. I think many of us do,” they said. “I don’t feel optimistic about the future of SG. If I have any kids myself, I’d send them overseas to study and then find jobs and migrate there rather than stay here.”

A third individual commended the post author’s mindset and courage to go after something he wanted, even if it wasn’t in line with what his parents wanted.

They added, “Everyone lives their lives differently; there is no one right blueprint for doing so. You achieved the stability you want by doing this, and now you have no fear of retrenchment or the financial state of the world since you always have a place to return to. Most Singaporeans don’t want to retire in Singapore anyway.”

Not everyone was critical of the parents, however.

One netizen suggested that their reaction may have stemmed less from the property purchase itself and more from the fear of their son settling down permanently overseas.

“I think deep inside, your parents are also afraid you will never return to Singapore. The more independent the children are, the more insecure some parents may feel, especially now with a smaller family size.”

In other news, one Singaporean man is wondering whether love alone is enough to save his relationship after his fiancée told him that earning S$100,000 a year still isn’t “sufficient.”

The 30-year-old shared his situation on the r/asksg forum on Wednesday (May 27), saying he and his partner have been together for five years and are due to wed in the next few months.

Read also: SG man says earning around S$100K a year is still not enough for his fiancée, who compares him to people making S$30K to S$40K a month

This article (My parents called me ‘stupid’ for buying an apartment overseas for less than S$200k) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.