SINGAPORE: While many people are out celebrating Mother’s Day with family lunches, flowers, and heartfelt Instagram posts today, one Singaporean man says the occasion has quietly become one of the hardest days of the year for him because of the trauma tied to his childhood.

In a post on the r/asksg forum, the man shared that his mum “used to cane or beat him quite badly” when he was growing up. Because of that, he said they never developed the kind of warm and affectionate parent-child relationship that many families in Singapore seem to have.

“We never really had the warm, close family relationship,” he wrote. “Every year when Mother’s Day comes around and everyone is posting family dinners, flowers, IG stories, etc., I feel damn conflicted. Like, got guilt for not wanting to celebrate properly, but at the same time still got a lot of unresolved hurt.”

Wanting to know if others could relate, he asked fellow Singaporeans: “Anyone else in Singapore feel sian around Mother’s Day because your relationship with your mum wasn’t good growing up?”

He also directed the question to people who came from toxic or abusive households, asking how they personally deal with the occasion.

“For people here who grew up in more toxic or abusive households, how do you all handle Mother’s Day?” he asked. “Still go through the motions because filial piety and all, keep it lowkey, or just don’t celebrate?”

“Move out if you can”

In the comments section, many Singaporean Redditors encouraged the man to stop feeling guilty over his complicated feelings toward Mother’s Day.

One of the top comments read, “Be kind to yourself. There is no need for the guilt. It will get better. You decide how close you want to be with her. Who knows, you may end up closer to her many years down the road after dealing with your own childhood issues. And if you don’t, it is alright too.”

Another told him, “You give too much of a crap about societal expectations and ‘filial piety.’ Move out if you can, even better if you can move out of the country for a bit. See the world, stay off social media, get some perspective, and find some peace.”

Others shared that they had gone through similar experiences themselves.

One wrote, “I don’t have a good relationship with my mum (I grew up getting caned and beaten by her quite a bit). I used to give her presents and have a meal with her, but now I just pretend Mother’s Day doesn’t exist, just like I pretend Father’s Day doesn’t exist.”

Another suggested, “If it makes you feel better, just buy her a meal and wish her a happy Mother’s Day. (Take a pic of her and food as proof… lol in case she complains). Settle the guilt and responsibility part and move on, and wait for next Mother’s Day to come.”

In other news, a female polytechnic student took to Reddit to vent about her family’s domestic helper, who allegedly “takes and uses her belongings” without permission and prepares separate “better” meals for herself.

In an anonymous post on the r/askSingapore forum, the student claimed that the helper “keeps stealing things such as hand cream, money, and chocolate, and whenever confronted, she denies taking anything.”

Read more: Poly student alleges family maid eats better food, ignores requests, and takes her items

This article (‘Got a lot of unresolved hurt’: Singaporean opens up about why he struggles to celebrate Mother’s Day) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.

SINGAPORE: A woman turned to Reddit to ask whether “silent marriages are normal in Singapore” after her husband stopped talking to her.

In a post on the r/asksg subreddit on Tuesday (May 5), she shared that communication between them has become extremely limited following a mistake she made two months ago.

She said they now only talk when it concerns their children or household matters, and even then, his responses are often just “one or two words.”

The woman added that she has already apologised and made repeated efforts to fix the relationship and start conversations, but nothing has improved. According to her, her husband continues to shut her out emotionally.

“I’m aware a lot of older couples often stay in marriages even though they live separate lives, sleep in different rooms, and barely communicate,” she wrote. “Question is… am I weak for wanting to separate if this continues, maybe for a year? Or is this actually a somewhat common situation? Is silent marriage common in Singapore?”

While she acknowledged that leaving the marriage could come with serious consequences, she said she is struggling to picture spending the rest of her life “living with someone who treats me as something invisible.”

She did not disclose what mistake she made, but clarified that it did not involve infidelity.

“Give it time and talk to him about it.”

The woman’s post quickly drew attention online. Many criticised the husband for being “petty” towards his wife. Some also called his behaviour “manipulative,” “immature,” and “cowardly.”

Others warned her that staying in the marriage could eventually damage her mental health.

One individual said, “This is actually a form of mental abuse. It’s not good for you long-term. Don’t let him treat you this way anymore. Get help.”

Another commented, “Silent treatment for that long is petty as hell. Silent treatment should never be used, and differences should be settled by the day’s end. Letting it fester for so long will lead to one party hating the other.”

A third added, “Cold wars, silent treatment, and stonewalling are forms of emotional abuse and will ruin your mental health when they are prolonged.”

On the other hand, some users felt it was unfair to criticise the husband since the woman never explained what “the mistake” was. 

One commenter wrote, “It’s hard to judge without knowing what it was (not asking you to share). It could be a little thing and him being petty, or it could be something much more serious and should have warranted a divorce. Give it time and talk to him about it.”

Another suggested, “Let him know that it has been bothering you and you really treasure this relationship and want to work it out with him. If it does not work out, maybe try out marriage counselling if he is willing?”

In other news, a commuter in her 20s has vented online after an elderly woman allegedly confronted her for sitting in a reserved seat and repeatedly insisted it was “for seniors only.”

Posting on the r/SMRTRabak forum on Friday (April 24), the commuter said she had just finished a shift that left her “physically and mentally” drained.

Read more: ‘This seat is for seniors only’: Woman says she was confronted over reserved seat in MRT

This article (Woman asks if ‘silent marriages’ are normal in Singapore after husband stops talking to her) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.