SINGAPORE: A 33-year-old man has sparked discussion online after sharing that he spends 10 to 12 hours with his 32-year-old girlfriend during each meetup twice a week, while also footing almost every bill.

In a Reddit post, the man said he started wondering whether their relationship dynamics were actually normal after feeling increasingly drained “emotionally, physically, and financially.”

“Is my relationship with my GF normal? I’m not super sure if this is the norm and/or if I’m being petty and insensitive,” he wrote.

The couple has reportedly been dating for four months. The man, who runs a small business, said he earns around S$4,000 to S$6,000 monthly, while his girlfriend works in the government sector and likely earns around S$3,000 to S$4,000 or more.

According to him, their dates usually start around noon and stretch all the way until midnight.

“We would, on average, have dates that last for ~10-12 hours, starting from noon to around midnight, with a minimum of once a week but typically twice a week. Which is somewhat exhausting after a bit and also leaves me with little time and energy to do my own stuff/hobbies,” he shared.

He also revealed that his girlfriend frequently seeks reassurance and becomes emotional whenever he suggests cutting back on meetups because of work commitments.

“She said this is due to the traumas she has felt, which led to her needing more security and assurance,” he explained.

The man added that his girlfriend does not appear to have close friendships and also has a strained relationship with her family, which he believes may have contributed to emotional dependency in the relationship.

On top of that, he said he has been paying for nearly all of their meals and outings, which can total around S$100 per meetup.

While he acknowledged that his girlfriend has occasionally paid for some activities, he felt the overall arrangement was becoming increasingly unbalanced.

“The difference in the terms of value is pretty significant, considering the frequency of our meet-ups,” he wrote.

“I don’t super mind financially, the fact that she wants to go to restaurants + cafes all the time, has me feeling a little “used” and feeling a tad like she’s not thinking of my well-being at all.”

After speaking to his family and friends who are married or in long-term relationships about his concerns, the man said they all told him the setup sounded “very abnormal” and “very one-sided.”

Eventually, he decided to open up to his girlfriend about feeling burnt out.

According to him, she responded by saying she would “try to change and split the bills more evenly and reduce the number of dates as well as duration.”

However, she also defended her expectations by claiming that frequent meetups and men paying for dates were considered “normal” based on what she saw “from friends, the internet, and social media.”

The girlfriend reportedly added that in her past “serious” relationships, the man paying for everything was seen as a sign that he was “serious and committed.”

“She does acknowledge that the relationship does feel one-sided, but said that she doesn’t know what she can give me,” he wrote.

The man ended his post by asking fellow Singaporeans: “I’ve tried my best to try to be fair to both of us in this post, but I really need to know if what we have is normal. And realistically, is any meaningful change actually possible?”

“Your values don’t match.”

In the comments, many users agreed with the man’s friends and family, saying that meeting up for 10 to 12 hours at a time is too intense for a dating arrangement. They also felt that him paying for almost everything in the relationship is not normal or sustainable.

One person shared, “I’m around you guys’ age, and I don’t think I can be on a date or meet up with my date/partner for 10-12 hours straight twice a week. It feels rather intense. I did date someone once who wanted to meet daily, and after a while it just felt draining and exhausting.”

Another remarked, “S$100 per date for most dates is way too much money spent.”

A third added, “I’m a girl and don’t really understand the desire to have the man pay for every meal. So that’s not normal. In my circle, we tend to split the bills. If the guy wants to pay for certain special occasions, I let them, and also I appreciate the effort, but it’s not something I feel entitled to.”

Others, however, pointed out that there is no single definition of what is “normal” in a relationship. 

They said only the man himself can determine that because every relationship is shaped by different personalities, expectations, and values. 

What works for one couple may not work for another, and comparisons can sometimes be misleading.

Some users advised him that if their expectations are fundamentally different, it may be healthier for both parties to end the relationship rather than trying to force compatibility.

One wrote, “Your values don’t match. She wants a provider, so don’t expect that to change. It will only get worse after marriage. Having no close friends or family is also a red flag, as she’ll be too dependent on you. My advice as [an] internet stranger: leave asap”

Another echoed this view, writing, “It’s not abnormal, there are many couples who spend every day together, and the guy pays for all the meals without feeling emotionally, physically, or financially drained.”

“Rather than it being abnormal, it seems that you and your girlfriend are simply incompatible in terms of relationship expectations. It’s not healthy for you to feel constantly drained, and that will eventually turn into resentment. You may want to seriously consider whether to continue this relationship.”

In other news, a 32-year-old healthcare worker earning up to S$8.5k a month says the brutal hours and constant stress of her job eventually destroyed her health, leaving her with “stage 3 cancer, chest pains, gastritis, burnout, depression, and anxiety.”

In a Reddit post on Monday (May 4), the woman shared that she spent seven years in the healthcare sector, often surviving on just three hours of sleep while juggling full-day shifts and 24/7 on-call duties for an entire week.

Read more: Healthcare worker earning S$8.5k says years of stress and long hours left her with cancer, chest pains, gastritis, and mental health struggles

This article (‘Is this normal?’: Man says he meets girlfriend for 10–12 hours twice weekly and pays every bill) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.

SINGAPORE: A man is questioning his girlfriend’s true intentions after discovering that she expects him to pay for their future home and fully support their lifestyle while keeping her own salary. 

The 30-year-old sought advice on the r/asksg forum on Saturday (April 18). In his post, he shared that he has been dating his 26-year-old girlfriend from Malaysia for about a year. He described her as attractive by both “Singaporean and Malaysian standards,” and said that at the start of the relationship, she came across as “thoughtful and sweet.”

However, as the relationship progressed, he began noticing what he felt was a growing financial imbalance.

He explained that he sees himself as a fairly traditional partner, so “paying for meals and not going Dutch” has always felt normal to him. He also had no issue buying her branded items on special occasions, such as her birthday. But recently, he feels her expectations have gone up.

He shared that she now expects more lavish spending even on ordinary occasions. For example, on International Women’s Day, she expected him to treat her to an expensive dinner and buy her a gift.

They also had a talk about their future, and he was fairly disheartened when he discovered she expects him to shoulder all the burden alone.

“It seems like she wants me to pay for the whole house and the lifestyle while she keeps the money,” he said. “For context, we are planning to settle down early because she wants to get her PR in SG. I own a car, so all the petrol and car loan are on me. But for bigger expenses like paying for a house, etc., she thinks I should be doing it.”

On top of that, he said she hopes they can live in a larger flat, such as a jumbo or maisonette, so her siblings from Malaysia can stay with them while working in Singapore.

“I don’t know if she’s using me for her benefits or if I should feel like, since I’m marrying her, I must expect all these. Is it just me, or are Malaysians getting more and more materialistic, like Singaporean girls?” he asked. 

He also recalled, “I was at their Malaysian relative’s place, and they were complaining about Singaporeans coming into JB and spoiling the economy and making everything super expensive. But I don’t see them complaining when they come over to SG to earn SG money, then go back to Malaysia to spend?”

“The demand for a large house is a huge red flag.”

Within a day, the post had already picked up over 364 upvotes and 577 comments. Commenters largely agreed that he should get out of the relationship, saying it was unlikely to go anywhere good.

One individual shared, “Run, bruh. It’s a personal issue, not related to nationality. My wife is Malaysian (from Penang) as well and has none of those expectations when it comes to big-ticket items. For dates and going out, we take turns to reciprocate. She has siblings working in SG as well (renting), and she does not expect us to get a bigger house just to let them stay.”

Another quipped, “Run! If you need help with running, message me, and I can introduce you to running groups. But bro, seriously, run.”

A third wrote, “I was thinking it got pretty weird when it got to expensive stuff for International Women’s Day. I don’t know anyone who does that, and it kind of goes against the spirit of the day. Then I got to the part about you paying for housing on your own. Just run, bro.”

A fourth added, “The demand for a large house is a huge red flag with blinking red lights and a loud wailing siren.”

In other news, the growing disparity between Gen X’s and Gen Z’s financial realities has come to light after a woman in her mid-20s shared online that she is struggling to get by on a salary that her senior colleague seems to find more than enough.

The woman, who posted anonymously on NUSWhispers on Monday (Mar 6), said she and a colleague in her mid-40s both recently received pay increments, bringing their monthly income to around S$6,000.

Read more: Gen Z earning S$6k baffled as mid-40s colleague lives comfortably on same salary: ‘The biggest disadvantage was not being born 15 years earlier’

This article (‘She wants me to pay for the whole house and lifestyle’: Man questions girlfriend’s intentions) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.