SINGAPORE: After a man acknowledged in an anonymous social media post that he was “struggling with attraction” to the woman he’s dating because she’s overweight, commenters told him flatly that he doesn’t love her and that the kindest thing to do is to let her go.

In a May 29 post on the SGWhispers Facebook group, the man wrote: “ I thought looks don’t matter… until they did.”

On paper, the woman is everything he could ever ask for, with a 10/10 personality and a heart of gold. Moreover, “she treats me better than anyone ever has,” he added.

However, he confessed to feeling like a villain because the woman’s looks didn’t measure up to his expectations. The woman “struggles with her weight,” although she’s made a lot of effort, including going to the gym and dieting, but, like her family, is heavyset.

The post author expressed concerns that later on, if they get married and life gets stressful and kids begin to come, she might struggle with weight gain even more.

He wrote, “I used to tell myself I’m not superficial. ‘Looks fade, personality stays.; I genuinely believed that.

But when I see her physically out of shape, I struggle with attraction. And that scares me. Because I love her now, but I’m afraid that one day I won’t. I’ve never cheated in my life, and I never want to, but a small, honest part of me wonders — if the attraction fades completely, can I 100% trust myself years later?”

He wondered if he was “ignoring a red flag about myself” and if an issue that “feels small now might slowly break the relationship in the future.”

Commenters, most of whom were women, told him that it would be better if he and his girlfriend broke up.

“Gonna be upfront. You don’t love her. Your practical mind is telling you she’s the one for you, but you don’t love her enough to look beyond,” wrote one.

“You think you won’t grow fat or have a pot belly or lose hair or even go bald when you hit middle age? If you can’t accept someone when she puts on weight, pls let her go. You don’t love her. You are shallow. She deserves a better man who appreciates her as-is condition,” another added.

“She deserves someone else. Period. The problem lies with you and not her,” a woman weighed in.

“Don’t punish the poor girl based on your likes and dislikes, now and in the future. If you really love her, let her go NOW. Because if you cannot change… she is not obliged to. Short-term pain is better than long-term pain,” added another.

“Let her go. Let your girl find someone who will appreciate her fully,” a commenter agreed.

“The best thing you can do for her is to let her know so that she can find someone who will love her truly and be happy,” advised a woman whose former partner told her it would be a dealbreaker if she lost her hair or gained weight. /TISG

Read also: You’ve put on weight’ — Woman asks if it’s normal in Singapore to openly comment on someone’s weight

This article (‘You don’t love her,’ Commenters tell Singapore man who’s struggling with attraction to overweight girlfriend) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.

SINGAPORE: One Singaporean man is wondering whether love alone is enough to save his relationship after his fiancée told him that earning S$100,000 a year still isn’t “sufficient.”

The 30-year-old shared his situation on the r/asksg forum on Wednesday (May 27), saying he and his partner have been together for five years and are due to wed in the next few months. 

However, he admitted that instead of being excited about the wedding, he feels stressed, drained, and honestly quite defeated.

According to him, his fiancée keeps comparing him to people around her who are allegedly earning S$30,000 to S$40,000 a month.

“[She feels I’m] lacking behind because there are people around her earning S$30-40k/month,” he said. 

“Yes, I can be a provider, to provide food, etc. But it has come to my realisation that I have to buy luxury bags whenever she wants, cover the entire vacation cost whenever she wants, and that I am falling behind because I do not have a second, third, or fourth income.”

He also confessed that she has made him feel “very useless in society” and like he’s “nothing” if he cannot immediately pay for whatever she wants.

What upset him even more was her response when he tried to suggest budgeting and planning for the future together. Instead of discussing finances as a team, she simply told him to “earn more money.”

“It’s never enough,” he lamented. “I feel it’s her comments about how I’m way below societal norms when it comes to my income—[saying] why others can do things I can’t—that make me feel bad. And yes, maybe she means it to push me to do better, but I feel like I’ll never reach the end goal.”

“You deserve someone better!”

Many commenters felt the man was already doing well for himself and questioned why he was being made to feel inadequate by his partner.

One user said, “Your earnings are already really good, but she’s whining? Sorry, she sounds like someone who just talks down on every single thing you do.”

Another wrote, “Celebrate your personal wins. 30M earning ~100k PA is commendable.”

Some also urged the man to leave the relationship. One individual explained, “Leave. 5 years is a long time, but spending the rest of your life feeling ‘not enough’ is even longer.”

“A partner should make you feel valued, appreciated, and supported, not constantly compared to other people’s incomes or lifestyles. From your post, it sounds less like she cares about you as a person and more about what you can provide for her image and expectations.”

Another added, “If my son is dating a woman like that, I will ask him to cut his losses. Losing the deposit for whatever you’ve paid for is cheaper than the divorce procedure in the future. You deserve someone better!”

In other news, a man in his 20s recently shared that his strict parents, who take 15% of his salary every month, expect him to buy a home by the time he turns 35.

In a post on the r/asksg subreddit, he shared his fears, saying he does not have enough money to fulfil his parents’ wishes.

Read more: Man says parents take 15% of his pay, leaving him unable to save for a home

This article (SG man says earning around S$100K a year is still not enough for his fiancée, who compares him to people making S$30K to S$40K a month) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.

SINGAPORE: A Singaporean man has sparked a lively debate online after revealing that he is still close to his ex-girlfriend’s family and may have accidentally stirred up a bit of family drama in the process.

The 25-year-old shared on Reddit that he and his girlfriend had ended their four-year relationship just two weeks earlier. Although the split was supposedly amicable, things became awkward when he bumped into her family during a cruise holiday and ended up telling them something they probably were not expecting to hear.

“We hung out together. I’m quite close with her siblings (female-12 and male-23) and her mom, so we talked about the relationship, and I told them my ex probably has a new boyfriend, because I saw her location at his house quite often.”

According to the man, his ex’s brother was stunned by the revelation.

“The brother was shocked ‘cause she told the family that she was going out to celebrate at a friend’s home cafe. Him being a self-righteous person, he was really angry for me, and the young sister, who doesn’t quite understand cheating or relationships yet, was just really angry at my ex for having a new boyfriend who isn’t me.”

Meanwhile, her mother admitted that she had long suspected something was going on because her daughter was constantly messaging someone.

He added that towards the end of their relationship, he found out that her ex started hanging out with a 27-year-old guy.

“She started hanging out very often [with him], even lying to me and her family that she was out with other people when she was really with him, until she got caught outside by my friend.”

The man said the family sided with him and intentionally posted a group photo from the cruise on Instagram so his ex would see that they had all been hanging out together.

A few days later, his phone lit up with a “lengthy, angry” message from his ex.

“She called me childish and accused me of trying to turn her family against her. She said I shouldn’t have told her family about our relationship stuff, but genuinely, I really like her family and the feeling’s mutual. She didn’t address or deny anything about the new guy being her bf, though lol.”

Unsure whether he had overstepped, the man turned to Reddit and asked: “Am I the A***ole for still keeping in contact with my ex’s family?”

“Stop interfering with your ex’s life.”

Opinions in the comments section were mixed.

Some felt there was nothing wrong with maintaining a friendship with people he had become close to over the years.

One said, “You’re not wrong for being close to family. She must grow up. You’re all adults, especially the parents and brother, so all of you can choose who to be friends with. No sense taking sides.”

Another commented, “You’re not the a***ole, but you need to draw better boundaries. Stop interfering with your ex’s life already, haha. You guys are no longer together.”

Others, however, felt he had crossed a line by discussing private relationship matters with her family.

One commenter wrote, “Yes, obviously. After a breakup, it’s weird to keep in contact with her family. Even if you’re close and bump into them, I would just say a cordial hi and bye. Not sit down and tell them all the drama.”

The commenter continued, “It seems like you knew exactly what you were doing, intentionally telling them about the new guy and framing it like cheating. Her family doesn’t need to know the details of her relationships. She is right, you are childish to do so.”

Another person suggested that he might still be struggling to move on.

“It feels like you low-key have the ‘I can’t live without her’ vibes,” the commenter said. “You can still be cordial with her family, but give yourself some distance to heal. Because, bruh, you’re not fooling yourself into thinking you’re healing. You aren’t at all.”

In other news, a 28-year-old software engineer whose salary has remained at S$3,500 a month says he feels “demoralised” after being tasked with training newly hired fresh graduates who are reportedly earning around S$5,500 a month.

In a post shared on Reddit on Tuesday (Jun 2), the engineer said he has been with his company for four years and currently handles a wide range of responsibilities, including maintaining production servers, developing new applications and features, automation work, and both frontend and backend development. His work primarily involves Python, Java, and frontend technologies. 

Read more: Software engineer feels undervalued after being tasked with training higher-paid fresh graduates

This article (‘Am I wrong?’: Man stays close to ex’s family after breakup and ends up exposing her alleged new romance) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.