This cartoon is by me and Nadine Scholtes. And just look at how adorable the wolf pups she drew are!

The term “alpha wolf” was coined in 1947 by biologist Rudolph Schenkel.

At that time, science knew very little about wolves. About all science knew–and that means that’s all Schenkel would have known–is that they live in a pack. He knew they howled and all that. But as far as their social structure was concerned, they live in a group of animals. And he wanted to study the behavior of animals in a group–in this case, the wolves–and so he wanted to do that in captivity.

To do that, he had to make a pack. And so he just got a bunch of wolves– one or two from some zoo somewhere, another couple from another place– threw them all together, and that was his wolf pack.

Schenkel then observed the wolves fighting for dominance – but a wolf “pack” formed in captivity, with unrelated wolves thrown together willy-nilly, won’t act like wolves in nature do. But Schenkel didn’t know that.

When keeping wolves in captivity, humans typically throw together adult animals with no shared kinship. In these cases, a dominance hierarchy arises, Mech adds, but it’s the animal equivalent of what might happen in a human prison, not the way wolves behave when they are left to their own devices.

In contrast, wild wolf packs are usually made up of a breeding male, a breeding female and their offspring from the past two or three years that have not yet set out on their own—perhaps six to 10 individuals. …Infighting for dominance is basically unheard of in a typical pack.

Wildlife biologists have known the “alpha wolf” is a myth for decades. But the term persists, mainly because some people really like the myth. They’re really excited by the image of a strong, dominant man dominating others through sheer physical strength.

To be fair, a lot of people are excited by that image – which is why we see it over and over in action movies, and of course, in superhero stories.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having fun watching a Jason Statham movie. But for some people, the alpha wolf myth is compelling not just because it’s fun to watch a hero kick a heel, but because they use it to legitimize their sexist beliefs as natural. I don’t say men should dominate because I’m a misogynist – I’m just reporting what nature says! Don’t shoot the messenger!

And even people who aren’t that extreme might still be influenced by a watered-down version of the alpha male myth. Men – to be properly male – are expected to be confident, strong, take-charge, and emotionally muted. That stereotype long precedes the term “alpha wolf,” of course; but I think that pre-existing cultural belief is one reason the alpha wolf myth took off.

This is an aside, but do you ever wonder why Superman is so muscular? It’s not like he exercises to be able to juggle trucks; there’s no in-story reason he can’t be a scrawny dude with a bit of a potbelly juggling trucks. The answer, obviously, is that comics artists and readers – and also, filmmakers and film audiences – want to be able to see Superman’s power and dominance at a glance.

I offered this cartoon to Nadine to draw because I thought she’d have fun drawing the wolves in panel four. As expected, she did a terrific job with the whole cartoon. For some reason the blatant way the “alpha” and the maid are eying each other in panel two really cracks me up.

Hey, while we’re doing animal myths:

1) Ostriches don’t bury their heads in the sand when frightened. (They do bury their nests and stick their heads in the hole now and then to turn their eggs).

2) Bats aren’t blind.

3) Elephants, like humans, can be startled by unexpected scurrying near the ground, but no, they’re not terrified of mice.

You may have already known all that. But did you know that every time you debunk an animal myth, you’re harming cartoonists? We depend on those myths to earn our livelihoods! Why do you hate us so much, wildlife biologists?

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels.

PANEL 1

A man in a yellow shirt is at a bus stop, cheerfully lecturing the other two people at the stop.

MAN: “Feminization” has warped society. If we lived as nature intended I’d be the alpha wolf!

PANEL 2

The man with a huge thought balloon, showing him imagining walking with one hand holding a bloody axe and the other around a woman’s waist. A second woman, in a maid outfit, is carrying a tray of cake and steak. A third woman looks at him adoringly.

MAN: And the alpha wolf gets the first pick of everything! The best food, the best mates!

PANEL 3

MAN: That’s how men should live. I wish I was a wolf in the wild!

PANEL 4

Inside a wolf den, two adult wolves are talking. There are four kids (three small puppies, one medium sized) and a dead rabbit.

CAPTION: Wolves in the Wild

DAD WOLF: First the little ones eat, then the rest of us will.

MOM WOLF: And then — cuddle pile!

PUPPY: Yay!

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is an archaic cartoonists’ term for unimportant little details in the art.

PANEL 1 – The tattoo is of a German cartoon mouse named Diddl, holding a heart.

A poster says “HEY YOU! READ THIS! Wow, I can’t believe you’re reading this just because I said to.”

Another poster shows a cool woman in sunglasses holding a guitar. Text says “YET ANOTHER BAND… you’re not cool enough to know.”

A pigeon standing on the sidewalk is wearing sunglasses and smoking a cigarette.

PANEL 3 – A poster has a picture of the panel 1 pigeon, with the caption “BEWARE Bad Pigeon.”

The guy waiting at the bus stop is miming shooting himself in the head so he doesn’t have to listen to this alpha wolf prattle any more.

The woman’s tattoo now shows the character Superjhemp (a parody of Superman and other superheroes). He’s very popular in Luxembourg – “he has appeared in over 29 graphic novels that have the highest sales rate for Luxembourgish publications.”

The Alpha Wolf | Patreon

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

I’m not like this character – serenely unaware of mean comments. But I aspire to be like him.

(Maybe I am like this character, but since I’m unaware of the comments I don’t appreciate how serenely unaware I really am? It’s a conundrum.)

I like wearing clothes that please me, and I enjoy getting compliments from strangers. (Yesterday someone called out a car window “your sweater brings me joy,” which brought me joy in turn, except that a hoodie isn’t a sweater but the light turned green and she drove away so there was no opportune moment to pedant at her.) At the same time, as I’m getting older I’m fortunate to be caring less and less what other people think.

Here’s the “sweater” in question:

(Those lovely roses were planted by my housemates Sarah and Charles, by the way).

(Quick story: The other day I walked into a room where my niece Sydney was sitting and reading. She looked at me and gasped “Barry, your beard! It’s so white!” I thought it was funny that she was so surprised, since Sydney sees me and my beard virtually every day. “It’s making me realize that you’re mortal and you’re going to die someday,” she added solemnly, and I agreed that was so. I told her “It’s neat that you’ve had this revelation without even being stoned,” and she replied “oh I’m incredibly stoned right now.”)

I’ve gotten a little off topic, haven’t I?

Sexism is bad for everybody. Women are the primary victims, but the constant pressure on men to be masculine – which, in practice, often means “avoid anything that could be taken as feminine” – causes a lot of men to limit ourselves, often without conscious awareness. And of course, the responses can be especially harsh on men and boys who, for whatever reason, aren’t performing masculinity in the expected fashion.

The character in our cartoon is lucky to be unbothered by it – but not everyone’s in the mental space to pull that off. It can be especially hard on teen boys, who – if they don’t fit in – can be taught a lot of self-loathing, which can take years to get over.

But with luck, we can get over it, and be happier for it.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has four panels, all featuring a red-haired man wearing a red shirt walking on a downtown sidewalk. He’s carrying a bright yellow shoulder bag which has a pink and purple floral pattern.

PANEL 1

Two men are walking in opposite directions on a sidewalk. The first, wearing a blue jacket and dark gray pants, makes a mocking comment. The second character, who I’ll call Redhead, is pleased.

BLUE JACKET MAN: Nice purse.

REDHEAD: Thanks! It’s new!

PANEL 2

A closer shot of Redhead, looking very pleased indeed. In the background, a bluebird, a squirrel, and the sun (with a face and wearing sunglasses) all smile at Redhead.

PANEL 3

In a thought balloon, we see Redhead’s daydream. He’s skipping on a catwalk, carrying his new bag, sparkling pink flowers floating in his wake, as the sun and a couple of squirrels cheer him on. Blue Jacket Man, in the daydream, has a friendly grin and is taking photos of Redhead with a professional-looking camera.

PANEL 4

Redhead’s daydream bursts and he has a startled expression.

REDHEAD (thought): Wait. Was that supposed to be an insult?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

“Chicken fat” is obsolete cartoonist verbiage for fun but unnecessary details in the art.

PANEL 1: The first newspaper box has a newspaper which says “Background NEWS. Stick figure elected! “Best news ever,” say lazy cartoonists.” Smaller print says “Is this text too small to be read? Scientists say yes!”

The second newspaper box is mostly hidden behind Blue Jacket Man, but what we can read says “Don’t even try reading this text it’s too hidden.”

The third newspaper box has a paper called “Overly Local Bulletin.” Headlines say: “Yup, those odd noises you keep hearing are rats.” “Your son says he did homework – but he lies.” “Favorite shirt is too ratty to wear in public anymore.” and “Weather: You don’t go outside anyway.” The sign on front of the machine says “Exciting words! I’m talking about words like bang! Zoom! Zowie! Cheetah!”

PANEL 2: The newspaper in the box is mostly hidden behind Redhead, but it says “Obscured NEWS. That no one can read.”

PANEL 3: One of the squirrels is waving a pen at Redhead and holding out an autograph book. The other squirrel is taking a selfie with Redhead in the background.

PANEL 4: The paper in the newspaper box says “Don’t Even Bother DAILY.” Headlines: “Why even read this? The cartoon’s over. You can go about your life now.” “New study: If you never try, you can never lose.” The sign on the front of the box says “KANGAROOS are weird aliens who will totally drown you if they can and one’s sneaking up on you now.”

Nice Purse | Patreon

This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.

Becky commented, “It’s always fun and challenging to come up with enough unique character designs for these cartoons. All resemblance to acquaintances living or dead is entirely coincidental. Maybe not coincidental, but not at all a reflection on their character.” So please don’t sue us!

Neither Becky or I are parents, and when I showed Becky the script she eagerly said something like “time to get my secondhand anger on!” (Except what she said was funnier, and I didn’t think to write down the exact wording at the time, and now I’m annoyed with my past self for not being considerate enough of my future cartoon-introduction-writing needs.)

The research for a comic like this is always fun. I dive into online discussion boards and I’m guaranteed to learn something new – or many something news.

For instance, I would never have guessed that strangers actually come up to new parents to criticize them – sometimes quite harshly – if their baby isn’t wearing socks or a hat. But I read multiple people complaining about just that! (Becky here! Panel 6 is dedicated to Jackie, who learned about this phenomenon mere weeks into parenthood.)

And while of course I knew that sleep schedules are a major issue, the full extent of it – and the extent to which many parents feel overwhelmed by all the contrary advice they’re given, including from medical professionals – was eye-opening to me. I didn’t even know what “wake windows” were before I wrote this cartoon (ah, those innocent days of youth).

The title of one Reddit thread really says it all: “I was not prepared for society making you feel like a bad parent NO MATTER WHAT you do.”

The pressure on new parents to do everything perfectly – even though perfect parenting isn’t something that ever has or ever can exist – is ridiculous. And, predictably, that pressure is even greater on mothers.

Becky originally put Big Bird as one of the crowd in the final panel, just as a joke. But – as much as it kills me to remove chicken fat – I was worried that people would read that, not just as a fun cameo, but as a pointed criticism of Sesame Street. So Big Bird was out, alas.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON

This cartoon has nine panels, plus a tiny “kicker” panel at the bottom.

PANEL 1

A mother in the middle seat of an airplane is holding her crying baby, while the annoyed women on either side of her offer their advice.

AISLE SEAT LADY: If you let your baby cry in public you’re a bad mother.

WINDOW SEAT LADY: If you quiet them with screen time you’re a bad mother.

PANEL 2

A smiling woman wearing a mint green gi sits crosslegged next to a potted plant, holding a mug of tea. A large picture window faces a natural scene.

WOMAN: Formula is poison! Quit your job and breastfeed at least every two hours or you don’t love your baby.

PANEL 3

A woman in business wear and red glasses speaks directly to us.

WOMAN: If you really love your baby, spend more time at work and start their college fund.

PANEL 4

A middle-aged man is carrying a tall stack of books and pamphlets, so heavy that he’s bent backwards.

MAN: I brought you some light reading about “wake windows” and optimal nap schedules.

PANEL 5

Most of this center panel is taken up by the title: HELPFUL ADVICE FOR NEW MOMS. Below that, a blonde woman in a green jacket smiles.

WOMAN: Trust your instincts! Which are terrible and wrong.

PANEL 6

A mom has her baby in a stroller in a park, and is just kneeling down to put on some socks. A woman behind her turns red and curves over the mom in an impossible arc to get in her face and yell.

WOMAN: Why isn’t your baby wearing SOCKS?!?

PANEL 7

A couple relaxes on a sofa, her head resting on his shoulder. They talk to us, his expression genial, hers angry.

HIM: Co-sleeping is the natural way to teach your baby to sleep!

HER: Until you roll over and smother them, you murderer!

PANEL 8

An older woman leans close to us and holds up a finger as she gives advice.

WOMAN: Wean too soon and he’ll grow up sickly. Wean too late and he’ll grow up weird!

PANEL 9

A large crowd of people, of various ages and ethnicities and fashion choices, speak in unison. Some are angry, some friendly. One is a mother with a baby in a sling.

EVERYBODY: And remember: Whatever happens, it’s your fault!

“KICKER” PANEL AT THE BOTTOM

Barry is talking to a woman who looks absolutely exhausted.

BARRY: Do you know what “catch 22” means?

TIRED WOMAN: Is it minutes of sleep I caught last night?

CHICKEN FAT WATCH

Chicken fat is ancient cartoonist lingo for fun but unimportant little details in the art.

In panel six, the sockless baby is kicking their feet so much that Becky drew the baby with six adorable little feet.

In panel nine, one woman is wearing a T-Shirt design that’s a mix of an anarchy symbol and a cat’s head. That same design showed up as a poster on the wall in a previous Becky cartoon.

Also in panel nine, one man in the crowd carries a “World’s Best Dad” mug, and the baby’s eyes are hilariously wide and shocked-looking.

Helpful Advice For New Moms | Patreon