SINGAPORE: One woman is starting to feel anxious about the future of her marriage, as she and her husband are still living apart a year after their wedding.

She shared on the r/askSingapore forum on Saturday (April 25) that she only stays over at her husband’s place “one to two times a week.”

She explained that her husband currently co-owns a four-room HDB flat with his mother, which was purchased before COVID-19 and is still being paid off using his CPF.

According to her, selling the flat or removing her husband’s name is not a realistic option, as his mother would not be able to manage the mortgage on her own. His mother earns about S$1,500 a month and is still working full-time.

On top of that, his mother has long struggled with depression and is on long-term medication. “Her lifelong depression makes it hard for her to live alone because at present she already feels lonely even with people in the home.”

At the same time, the woman admitted she is also finding it hard to leave her own home. 

“I’m a single child; my parents are old but healthy. I’ve been here most of my life, and it’s hard to move out of a place I feel most comfortable in, even if it’s with my husband. His mom’s a fuss-free woman, but her depression sometimes affects me.” 

“My husband is ok with our current living situation, but of course, we both want to have our own place in the future.”

She also revealed that she has her own history with depression, having been on medication for five years before stopping three years ago.

Ending her post, the woman asked others for advice, saying, “What are our options? Please help. Our total income is around S$9k after CPF.”

“Choose what’s sustainable for both of you.”

In the comments, one Singaporean Redditor said that their marriage might not survive. 

They pointed out, “Problems are—you don’t want to live with his mother. He can’t leave his mother due to her depression. You are comfortable living with your parents as the only child. It is not a housing problem. It is an attachment problem for both of you with your parents. You both can’t prioritise each other and are not ready to move to the next chapter of marriage.”

Another suggested a solution, writing, “How about getting the mum to downgrade and apply for a 2-room flexi flat, and you guys can also try for BTO/resale in the same estate as a long-term plan so it’s easy to pop over often while still having your own place.”

A third user advised, “Rent out the master bedroom in the husband’s house to a stranger. Take that money and top it up and rent a small HDB unit near your husband’s house. Husband’s mother will have a roof over her head and has a tenant that she can talk to.”

A fourth added, “If living there affects your mental health, don’t force it. Some options: continue your current arrangement for now, gradually increase stays and see how you cope, or work towards your own place long-term while your husband supports his mum. There’s no one “correct” setup—choose what’s sustainable for both of you.”

In other news, a Singapore-based employee has shared online that they are now the “only survivor” of their regional team after a series of layoffs and offshoring decisions wiped out the rest of the local office, raising concerns that their own role may be at risk next.

“I am the only one left in Singapore after layoffs,” they wrote on the r/singaporejobs forum on Tuesday (April 20).  “The rest of the department has been offshored. They have kept me, as I am still leading some important projects in the region.”

Read more: ‘They moved everything overseas’: Local employee, now the only one left in SG, fears being laid off

This article (‘Husband co-owns flat with mum’: Woman says living together not possible, asks for advice) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.