Whilst Williams is getting his smart new uniform Solly is auditioning snake charmers,one of whose cobras escapes and ends up under Williams's bed. Williams is urged to keep playing the snake charmer's flute and moving it about to stop the cobra attacking him. Rumzan joins him but unfortunately attracts another snake. The cobras have to be shot but this also involves putting bullet holes in Williams's new uniform.

The plane carrying the concert party crash lands in the jungle. The pilot is knocked unconscious but nobody is hurt. However the radio is damaged and the group have no idea where they are - possibly behind enemy lines. They send out a scouting group who capture some oriental-looking gentlemen. However they are Chinese waiters at a local restaurant and the men are only five miles away from the nearest town.

Colonel Reynolds is conducting an affair with the wife of a colleague, Daphne Waddilove-Evans, whose Chinese maid Ling Su is acting as a go-between for their correspondence. When Williams sees Ling Su he is very taken by her and arranges a date with her in the moonlight. The men hear of this and decide to follow and take a compromising photograph but, due to a series of accidents, Williams is photographed with Daphne instead. Solly clears things up by explaining it was all a rehearsal for a farce they were staging.

Not only has somebody written 'British Pigs Go Home' in stones but they have replaced the Union Jack with the flag of India and Williams is irate. He climbs onto the roof and pulls down the Indian flag, just as the new - native - district officer arrives. He too is irate and demands an apology from the sergeant major, though the men help Williams out by making it an apology in song.

First broadcast: 21 Feb. 1974
Williams, as ever, is annoyed that the men do not act like 'real' soldiers but the colonel explains that, as a holding unit, they are not obliged to wear identical uniforms. Williams tricks Solly into providing the company with uniforms on the pretext that he wants them to do a military song number. However, a general suddenly turns up to inspect the company. They arrive at the parade ground in their uniforms but are rubbish at presenting arms - until they are provided with music, including a song from Rangi. The general is impressed by their rhythmic performance and Williams feels thwarted yet again.

First broadcast: 14 Feb. 1974
The party are heading for Bannu to put on a show, first by train and then by jeep, which breaks down in the desert. Knowledge that tribesmen killed British soldiers there fifty years earlier does not inspire confidence. And then some local tribesmen appear. The concert party sit down to talk with them with Rangi acting as interpreter. When the khan learns that they are a 'road show' he confuses them with the 'Road' film series, popular at the time, leading to Solly impersonating Bing Crosby and the company's drag queen Gunner 'Gloria' Beaumont doing a version of Dorothy Lamour - which goes down rather too well.

First broadcast: 31 Jan. 1974
Williams, who disapproves of soldiers as entertainers, thinks the men need toughening up and leads them on a survival course in the jungle. Whilst he is surviving on berries and jungle water the men are having cups of tea and cooked meals provided by the local staff, who are following them. He cannot understand why they seem so much fitter than him. Soon they arrive at the house of the local district commissioner, who is hosting Reynolds and the captain. He likes the idea of a concert party and, to Williams' dismay, asks them to put on a show for him.

Williams hatches a mean plan to get the men into trouble by arranging a gig with free food for them at the Kama Sutra Club, a disreputable local establishment which is out of bounds to the soldiers. To avoid detection they enter the club dressed as military policemen but the show goes down very badly and ultimately is raided because of the naughty goings-on upstairs. The men put on their military police uniforms in order to escape but Williams, who has also gone to the club to rescue Parkin, is left wearing a clown's outfit.

Williams is irritated by the men's inability to correctly perform an evening ceremony whereby the flag is run down the mast and is delighted when an entertainments officer arrives from Delhi, with orders that the party performs in the jungle. He confirms that Parkin cannot go because he has a bad case of dandruff. However the Colonel orders that all of them, including himself and Ashford should go, and that includes Williams and Parkin.

First broadcast: 17 Jan. 1974
Rumzan the company's punka wallah, who works a cooling fan with his feet, and other punka wallahs throughout the regiments, are to be replaced by electric fans - or electric fannies, as the camp's wheeler-dealer Rangi Ram terms them. The concert party agree to employ him but Williams points out that only officers can have punka wallahs. This leads to general unrest and sympathy strikes by the electricity and telephone employees. Eventually Gunner Solly provides a solution. Rumzan can power a fan by peddling a bicycle and another wallah can cool him.

First broadcast: 7 Feb. 1974
It's a Wise Child
Parkin goes from one disaster to another. Asked to clear a mess from the yard he has the officer's mess demolished. However Williams still thinks he is his son and constantly defends him. Rangi gets blood samples from the sergeant major and the gunner,proving that the lad is not Williams' son. Parkin is relieved but the men realise that Williams must continue to believe Parkin is his son to keep him in the concert party and stop them from being posted up country. They therefore tinker with the samples to keep Williams in blissful ignorance of the truth.