SINGAPORE: A domestic helper took to social media to share that she “felt small” after her employer did not allow her to join the family for a meal at a restaurant.

Posting in the SINGAPORE TRANSFER (No Fees/SD), DIRECT HIRE & NEW HELPER Facebook group, the helper explained that she is still new to the household and is trying her best to adjust to the family’s routines and expectations.

Before heading out that day, she said she had already prepared herself for the possibility that food might not be provided for her.

“Before leaving the house, I already ate breakfast, and I also brought small biscuits and candy just in case.”

When they arrived at the restaurant, her concerns were confirmed. The helper said her employer ordered food only for the family, leaving her to look after the children during the meal. 

“I focused on taking care of the children and feeding them. I understand that employers are not always obligated to buy food for helpers in restaurants, especially expensive ones, and eventually I was given takeaway food later on,” she wrote.

“But honestly, I felt shy and uncomfortable because I was sitting there with no food while people around me were looking. I know maybe I am just overthinking, but it made me feel small somehow.”

She also brought up another issue that has been quietly bothering her at home. According to the helper, the family usually eats directly from shared dishes using their own chopsticks and does not use serving spoons.

Because of that, she sometimes feels “uncomfortable” eating whatever food remains after the family has finished their meal.

“I’m trying to understand if maybe this is normal in some households or maybe I’m just too sensitive because I’m still adjusting. I don’t want to create problems because overall the work is manageable and I want to finish my contract peacefully,” she said.

“I just want to hear some advice or experiences from others in a respectful way. Thank you.”

“Do your job well, and don’t feel small.”

In the comments section, many netizens sympathised with the helper and said they could understand why she felt hurt and embarrassed by the experience.

At the same time, several pointed out that household practices differ widely from one employer to another. While some families treat their helpers like extended family members and include them in meals and outings, others prefer to keep a more formal employer-employee relationship.

One user shared, “I am an employer, and I could never imagine going out to eat while the person caring for my children sits there without food. No matter where we go or how expensive the restaurant is, I make sure my helper eats with us too.”

Another commented, “It is really up to individuals. I cannot speak for others, but I usually treat my helper as a teammate. Whatever my kids eat, she gets to eat too. We eat together. I will ask my helper what she would like to eat.”

Others encouraged the helper not to take the situation too personally.

A third told her, “Hi dear, it’s normal here. There will be various types of people, but I want you to know that you’re not alone, and don’t lose hope because not everyone will behave the same way. You may experience different and kinder treatment in the future, so keep it up, do your job well, and don’t feel small.”

In other news, a man has touched hearts online after sharing how his wife and in-laws helped him heal from a toxic upbringing and showed him what a happy family truly feels like.

In a post titled “I got my happy ending” on the SGWhispers Facebook group, the man said that he grew up in an “extremely toxic family full of narcissists,” which severely affected his understanding of what was normal and what was not.

Read more: ‘I got my happy ending’: Man says his wife and in-laws helped him heal from a toxic upbringing

This article (‘I felt small’: Maid says she sat without food while feeding employer’s children at restaurant) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.

SINGAPORE: One helper’s gamble appears to have backfired after she dared her employer to “send her back to the agency” if she was unhappy with her work.

Instead of brushing off the remark, the employer said she took the helper up on the challenge and wasted no time arranging for her to be sent home.

In a post on a local forum on Friday (June 5), the employer wrote, “I told the agent to buy the tickets to send her home (at my own expense). Afterwards, the agent informed me that she was begging to keep her job. I replied, ‘Not going to happen.’”

Still clearly frustrated by the experience, the employer said she believes too many helpers assume they can simply move to another household if things do not go their way.

“Cocky people who cannot tell the difference between privilege and entitlement need to be humbled. There are far too many helpers who come here thinking they can transfer to a less demanding household just by doing a bad job and asking to go back to the agency. Unfortunately for my helper, she will find that I am not a pushover.”

The employer then listed a series of incidents that she said convinced her the helper was not suitable for the job. Among them were allegedly mixing up different sets of clothes, dressing her child in clothes worn inside out, and repeatedly packing her child’s school bag with missing items despite a packing list being clearly displayed.

She also claimed the helper would refill an insulated bottle with hot water from the previous day, even after it had already gone cold.

Then came the request that she found particularly cheeky. According to the employer, the helper wanted to spend her day off in Kuala Lumpur and even asked the family to help her buy BTS concert tickets.

The employer said she had already been warned that the helper had “an attitude problem” before joining the household. 

Even so, she and her family decided to give her a chance, believing she might simply have been misunderstood or that her previous employers, who were elderly, had been overly impatient or critical.

Looking back, she said that assumption turned out to be wrong.

“Boy, were we wrong. So we decided not to pass this rotten apple around,” she said. “If financially possible, I strongly encourage everyone who has problematic helpers to send them back to where they came from instead of passing the rotten apple around.”

“Good job.”

Many commenters appeared to support the employer’s decision.

One Singaporean Redditor praised her for standing firm, writing, “Well done. Some of these helpers really think they are very smart and can challenge employers.”

Another commented, “Kudos. Your statement of not passing the bad apple.”

A third joked, “Requested to help her buy a BTS ticket. Lol… But we Sinkies are the entitled ones, wor. Anyway, good job.”

Meanwhile, another commenter argued that the helper’s last-minute pleas were probably motivated by self-interest rather than genuine remorse.

“The worst part is these people aren’t begging out of contrition or a real lesson learned. They just want to get back and continue.”

In other news, a 32-year-old healthcare worker earning up to S$8.5k a month says the brutal hours and constant stress of her job eventually destroyed her health, leaving her with “stage 3 cancer, chest pains, gastritis, burnout, depression, and anxiety.”

In a Reddit post, the woman shared that she spent seven years in the healthcare sector, often surviving on just three hours of sleep while juggling full-day shifts and 24/7 on-call duties for an entire week.

Read also: Healthcare worker earning S$8.5k says years of stress and long hours left her with cancer, chest pains, gastritis, and mental health struggles

This article (Maid dares employer to send her back to the agency, then begs to keep her job) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.