SINGAPORE: While many people are out celebrating Mother’s Day with family lunches, flowers, and heartfelt Instagram posts today, one Singaporean man says the occasion has quietly become one of the hardest days of the year for him because of the trauma tied to his childhood.

In a post on the r/asksg forum, the man shared that his mum “used to cane or beat him quite badly” when he was growing up. Because of that, he said they never developed the kind of warm and affectionate parent-child relationship that many families in Singapore seem to have.

“We never really had the warm, close family relationship,” he wrote. “Every year when Mother’s Day comes around and everyone is posting family dinners, flowers, IG stories, etc., I feel damn conflicted. Like, got guilt for not wanting to celebrate properly, but at the same time still got a lot of unresolved hurt.”

Wanting to know if others could relate, he asked fellow Singaporeans: “Anyone else in Singapore feel sian around Mother’s Day because your relationship with your mum wasn’t good growing up?”

He also directed the question to people who came from toxic or abusive households, asking how they personally deal with the occasion.

“For people here who grew up in more toxic or abusive households, how do you all handle Mother’s Day?” he asked. “Still go through the motions because filial piety and all, keep it lowkey, or just don’t celebrate?”

“Move out if you can”

In the comments section, many Singaporean Redditors encouraged the man to stop feeling guilty over his complicated feelings toward Mother’s Day.

One of the top comments read, “Be kind to yourself. There is no need for the guilt. It will get better. You decide how close you want to be with her. Who knows, you may end up closer to her many years down the road after dealing with your own childhood issues. And if you don’t, it is alright too.”

Another told him, “You give too much of a crap about societal expectations and ‘filial piety.’ Move out if you can, even better if you can move out of the country for a bit. See the world, stay off social media, get some perspective, and find some peace.”

Others shared that they had gone through similar experiences themselves.

One wrote, “I don’t have a good relationship with my mum (I grew up getting caned and beaten by her quite a bit). I used to give her presents and have a meal with her, but now I just pretend Mother’s Day doesn’t exist, just like I pretend Father’s Day doesn’t exist.”

Another suggested, “If it makes you feel better, just buy her a meal and wish her a happy Mother’s Day. (Take a pic of her and food as proof… lol in case she complains). Settle the guilt and responsibility part and move on, and wait for next Mother’s Day to come.”

In other news, a female polytechnic student took to Reddit to vent about her family’s domestic helper, who allegedly “takes and uses her belongings” without permission and prepares separate “better” meals for herself.

In an anonymous post on the r/askSingapore forum, the student claimed that the helper “keeps stealing things such as hand cream, money, and chocolate, and whenever confronted, she denies taking anything.”

Read more: Poly student alleges family maid eats better food, ignores requests, and takes her items

This article (‘Got a lot of unresolved hurt’: Singaporean opens up about why he struggles to celebrate Mother’s Day) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.